I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
