saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
