She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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