I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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