when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize