my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize