just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
