I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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