FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I would fuck him just for his dog
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
