I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
