She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
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don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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