I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
