Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
