I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
