dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
