Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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