she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
