he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
