What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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