if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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