We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
