just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
