I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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