I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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