You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
True college students do jello shots in the library
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
