I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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