my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my being single is dangerous.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
