Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
