i permit you to call me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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