Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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