i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
