i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
