he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
