Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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