The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
