Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
