Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize