Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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