I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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