I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
