You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize