Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
