you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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