Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
