K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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