After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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