you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
