i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
