i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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