who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
