I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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