you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
