shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
