He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
