i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
