It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
