he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
