he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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