he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
