Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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