so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
