I got chris browned last night
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So much rum. So many feels.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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