READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
