He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
