I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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