omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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