Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
