I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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