Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
