you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
