Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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